When a relationship breaks down, the parties involved can
often feel overwhelmed by the multitude of issues that need to be addressed and
it is often difficult to know what to do.
Legal experts in family and matrimonial law are trained to
deal with the many and varied problems which arise when this happens.
Here are our top tips for minimising the stress and tension at what can be a daunting time:
- Think of the Children
Marriage breakdowns can be stressful for
everyone involved. Where there are
young children to consider, it can be
difficult to protect them from the emotional fall out, especially if issues arise over where the
children should live and who pays for what.
It is essential to do your best to protect children from the adult
issues. Avoid involving them in petty
disputes, don’t talk negatively about your other half in front of them and don’t
use them as leverage to get what you want.
If you prioritise the needs of your children over everything else and strive
to make decisions based on what is in their best interests, you will not go far
wrong.
- Don’t make rash decisions
It can be difficult in such an emotive
situation to think clearly and logically, especially if the separation has come
as a shock, or as a result of something your partner has done, as opposed to it
being your own decision. It is important
not to do anything that you may later regret or that could be detrimental to
your situation. Withdrawing or spending
significant sums of money, for example, is not normally a sensible thing to do,
unless you are concerned that the other party is likely to do something rash
and you need to take urgent action to protect assets. Continuing to operate your finances as you
did during the marriage is generally the best way of avoiding any financial
crises, as long as you are not leaving yourself in a financially precarious
situation by doing so. And as long as
there are no safety issues, it is not usually advisable to move out of the
family home, especially with children.
Trying to ensure that their lives remain as stable as possible should be
a priority and planning and agreeing who the children will stay with and when
is likely to help avoid contested and expensive court proceedings to resolve
such issues down the line.
- Consider Counselling and/ or Mediation
If you are experiencing marriage
difficulties, it may be that there are issues which you can discuss and resolve
that could prevent the marriage breakdown becoming a permanent separation. Consider contacting a reputable marriage
guidance counsellor, such as Relate NI, to assist you in talking through the
issues that you are having. Your
solicitor is not a counsellor and using them as such will take up valuable time
that would be better spent focussing on the legal issues. This will save you time and money in the long
run and may assist in a more amicable separation. You may also want to consider whether
Mediation may be appropriate to help you resolve practical and legal issues as
a means of keeping costs and acrimony to a minimum.
Get in touch with a specialist
family lawyer and set up a face to face meeting to discuss the various
implications of your situation as soon as you feel ready to do so. Many
matrimonial solicitors will offer a free time limited initial consultation to
give you general advices on the issues that you need to think about and talk
you through the various options open to you and the associated costs of what may
lie ahead.
- Get your Affairs in Order
When a marriage breaks down,
often there are financial issues which need to be addressed, including property
ownership, pension division, spousal and child maintenance and division of other
assets, such as inherited assets or personal injury claims. In order to be able to fully advise on a
financial settlement, your solicitor will need to know the value of the assets
and extent of any debt. You do not normally
need to have all of this documentation with you for an initial consultation,
but it is certainly helpful for you to have a clear idea of what the financial
issues are. To resolve a financial
settlement, you will both be asked to provide proofs of your own financial
interests to your respective solicitors, as a key component of a financial
settlement is full and proper financial disclosure. Therefore keeping your documentation, such as
mortgage and bank statements, payslips and pension statements, in good order
will assist in speeding up this part of the process. You will also be asked to provide your
original marriage certificate and children’s birth certificates in the event of
a divorce being sought.
- Keep
Yourself and the Children Safe
Unfortunately some separations are
far from amicable and can involve issues of domestic violence. If this is the case, you should take advice straight
away about how best to keep yourself and your children safe. Where appropriate contact the Police to
report any incidents and get in touch with a specialist family solicitor as
soon as possible to see what steps can be taken to help you. In certain situations, you may be entitled to
seek the assistance of the court to obtain emergency injunctions and/ or other
orders that can help to prevent ongoing violence or harassment and deal with the
occupation of your home, where the behaviour of one party may be sufficient to merit
exclusion from a property to keep you and your family safe.
For further information email our Family Law Department at [email protected] or telephone 028 91811538 for a consultation with one of our family law specialists.
